dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
