So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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