The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
