I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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