I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
