I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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