he thought i was a dude.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize