When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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