I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
