i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
