onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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