Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
