Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
