I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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