You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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