I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
