Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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