I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
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