his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
