one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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