i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
and you fell through a lawn chair
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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