I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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