my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is Oprah even human
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
