Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
