your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
