So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
