Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
