So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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