I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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