I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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