The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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