Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
