I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
