Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
