very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
