every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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