I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
