some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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