She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
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say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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