oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A+ Viking dick
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize