the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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