i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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