I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
