end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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