So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Please don't give away my fajitas
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