I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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