Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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