Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
