did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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