3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
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Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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