from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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