How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
