The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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