I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
