My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
