Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
