just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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