Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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