I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
