Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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