I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize