so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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