If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
