No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
