I smell stomach acid.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
