Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I died a long time ago.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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