I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
