I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
