The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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