so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
