No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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