she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
