I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
