erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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