I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
