I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
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It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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