Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
