i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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