remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
