There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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