dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
